Observations on Ego       

I have been re-reading Chogyam Trungpa’s Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism (2002). Trungpa says that the central goal of “spirituality” is “the complete elimination of ego” (p. 7). He says that the belief that we are solid personal selves, or that the ego is real, is “a fundamental myth,” “a huge hoax, a gigantic fraud” (8-9).

Adherents of Soto Zen are well-acquainted with the goal of eliminating ego.  It can be said that the aim of zazen is the reduction of the influence of ego in our daily lives.  Even if the “complete elimination of ego,” to use Trungpa’s words, is not attained, as is my own case, a practitioner can expect to reach a point where the activity of ego is like that described by Ajahn Chah in Food for the Heart (2002).  Ajahn Chah says that such activity can seem to be similar to children who like to play and frolic, and that “we can let go and leave them to play in their own way” (157). 

So detachment from the ego, so that it is not a bother, is an achievable goal for Soto Zen practitioners.  The practice of zazen gradually accomplishes this detachment.  There is an additional method by which detachment can be achieved.  It has been very helpful for me simply to observe the contents of my consciousness, at any point during the day, and ask myself whether I invited that content to come there. 

In the case of bodily sensations, it is obvious that one has no control over them.  As I write this essay, the feel of the pen in my hand, my bottom on the chair, my feet on the ground, and so on, are quite inevitable and beyond my control.  In the case of thoughts, likes and dislikes, opinions, motives and so forth, the issue of control is not so obvious.  However, one can ask about any content in the mind, did I ask for that to come there. 

For example, if I feel offended if someone does not return my “hello,” did I ask for that feeling to come into my mind?  If I see a car passing in the street outside my window, did I ask to see that?  Or if I hear a sound, did I ask for that?  If I dislike the looks of someone who comes to my door, did I ask for this reaction of dislike?  If I feel sad, did I ask to feel that, or if I feel happy, did I ask for that?   

If a person asks that question of any mental content, he or she will answer the same – no, I did not ask for that to come there, I did not control it at all.  If a person patiently pursues this little exercise, he will eventually detach himself from himself, which is the aim of Soto Zen.